Sorry

 I know my blog isn't to everyone's taste....it's not all dreamy country living in a cottage with roses round the door (even though we do have roses round the door!), baking bread, sewing (I loathe sewing of any kind) and crocheting, sitting outside shelling peas and listening to the birds sing.  My life - as with most people's lives if truth be told - isn't all lovely, it's bloody hard, extremely stressful and anxiety inducing a lot of the time.  And yes I do post a lot of negative stuff and it can come across as complaining a lot of the time.  

We can't all be upbeat, happy, shrugging off the negative stuff all the time - for those who are, well, good for you.  Unfortunately, I'm not like that.  I have a friend who's always positive and turns everything into a joke, he can find humour in absolutely any situation, whereas my sense of humour deserts me entirely in stressful situations.  But that friend comes across as ruthless and uncaring.

All of our family, both mine and husband's, live far away from here, so we only rarely see them.  Especially now that husband is unable to drive long distances.  We do keep in contact by phone (our internet here is so slow and weak that video calls are pretty much out of the question), but it's not the same as actually seeing and talking to people face to face - you can't hug someone over the phone.  Several people I was close to have died in the past 2 or 3 years - mostly before they had a chance to get old.  Some of our friends have quietly withdrawn from us over the past few months, it seems the more problems we've had, the less they've been in contact.  That's fair enough, I know not everybody can cope with difficult situations or, especially, depression and anxiety.  As a matter of fact, I sometimes feel that I can't cope - but I don't have the option of withdrawing from the situation, I HAVE to cope whether I want to or not.

So since I no longer have a close confidante anymore - husband or nearby friend - I post the negative stuff or whatever's worrying me on here, my blog.  (Well, most of it....there are things I don't post and never will, it's a public blog after all and I'm not airing all of my dirty linen in public.)  It gets it all off my chest and out of my head - if I didn't let it out, I'd go stark raving mad.

So I'm sorry if my seemingly constant whingeing annoys people - I didn't choose to have problems, especially ongoing ones, and we all cope with things in different ways, we're not all clones of my above-mentioned friend with his lovely life and laughing outlook on everything.