Monday 20 May 2024

Imposter syndrome

 Have you ever heard of Imposter Syndrome?

"Impostor syndrome, also known as impostor phenomenon or impostorism, is a psychological occurrence. Those who have it may doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments. They may have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as frauds."

(according to Wikipedia).

I frequently feel like this.  I often wake up, particularly on a sunny morning, look out into the garden and can't quite believe just how lucky we are to be living here.  It's almost like we're not worthy of it and will soon be outed as frauds.....or, as Happy Hooker commented yesterday, that I'll pinch myself and discover it's all a dream.

I do know I'm being ridiculous - when you go on the Council housing list, you can't just say you want a sheltered housing home, or even a bungalow - you have to have a defined 'need', a physical or mental health problem.  And they won't just take your word for it, you have to provide documentary evidence in the form of GP or consultant letters and reports.  Which we both had in abundance, husband twice as many as me.  We already had these, we didn't have to go to our GP or consultants with a sob story and beg them to write something suitable.  So when the Housing Association rang to offer us this bungalow, saying we were top of the list, I queried it as being a computer error or something - they said no, we met all their criteria, more so than others on the list.  But I still find it hard to believe that we're actually living here, that we legitimately live here.  I won't say deserve, I struggle a bit with that word.

Anyhow, here we are.  

Change of plan yesterday morning - we had a really nice rattan table and chair set at the caravan, the table with a glass top, we bought them brand new and love them.  The 2nd hand cafe table and director's chairs (we already had the chairs) we had here were fine, nothing wrong with them, they're more functional than aesthetically pleasing though.  So we decided to swap them over - take the cafe table/director's chairs to the caravan and bring the lovely ones back to use here - they look much nicer and we'll get more use out of them here.  That meant we couldn't take Betty with us, as we needed all the space in the back of the car, and with the back seats down.  We also wanted to bring back our spare parasol (we have a gazebo at the caravan) and husband's strimmer, as he'll need that to cut Betty's lawn.  All no problem, except it meant we couldn't spend all day at the caravan, we don't like to leave Betty on her own for more than 4 or 5 hours max.  Not that she's a problem, she isn't, not at all - she's fine on her own, doesn't bark (we've asked neighbours) or chew furniture.  As far as we can tell, she just sleeps - she certainly looks very bleary-eyed when we get home, but she is always extremely pleased to see us.  We did what we needed to do, had a nice 30 min chat with van neighbours we haven't seen since last year, then drove home, getting back by lunchtime.  So now the nice chairs and table and parasol are in place, I'm even happier with the garden.

One thing I'm not so happy about is that husband decided to touch up the white paint on the sides of the house sign, which was a bit patchy in places (he'd done the white background and sides).  Somehow or other, he managed to drip 3 lines of paint on the front, partly obliterating some of the flowers, meaning I'd have to redo them 😒.  Sometimes his 'help' (when I've not asked for it either) is less than helpful 😂🤐.  However, he was apologetic and has offered to make a new sign in his Sheds group - which is ok by me.

His short term memory continues to be a problem - yesterday morning I told him we'd have a cooked breakfast (we sometimes do on a Sunday) before we went out, then I went and got in the shower.  When I came out, he was halfway through a big bowl of cereal - he'd forgotten entirely about the cooked breakfast, within that short space of time.  I wasn't bothered though, I'm not really much of a breakfast eater anyway 😂😉


  1. I think we all suffer from impostor syndrome at times, but you've worked hard to get your lovely bungalow. You researched, planned, collated the evidence etc, etc. The fact that it all happened so quickly and so much sooner than you expected, is not your fault!
    The "new" table and chairs will get so much use now.
    What a shame about the sign, but if he's going to make you a new one...

  2. I know how you feel, we have worked hard all our lives, and struggled at times, to now live our comfortable retirement, to me this is strange, I feel I should be doing more, I am fit and healthy. We are not lucky, we worked hard to ensure we what we have today, but it does not stop the feelings, I try to enjoy life rather than ponder on what if's.

  3. Well, actually, I reckon you *do* deserve it! You've both worked hard for decades and paid your taxes, and you got that bungalow fair and square after making an honest, truthful application. You didn't try to bend the truth or play the system, and it just happened that the other people interested in your bungalow at that particular time did not have as many relevant points as you did. I think lots of us get anxious when things feel as though they're going a bit too well - we worry that there must surely be a snag! But you definitely deserve your lovely home imo.

  4. I completely understand what you mean about imposter syndrome. Love that you are so settled and happy there.

  5. Feeling a bit the same to be honest. We moved within a few days of you so we were mirroring your packing up and getting settled and now getting the garden to be what we want rather than what the previous owner wanted. Our 'pinch me' story is that we wanted a bungalow within a short distance of family and various other 'must haves' and this bungalow came on the market. It was a bit beyond our price range and more importantly we hadn't finished tarting up our house to put it on the market so we had absolutely no business booking a viewing, but that's what we did. It was perfect - fields front and back on a leafy country lane with birdsong all around etc etc. Anyway it sold the next day so that was that. We asked the agent to let us know if it fell through and tried to forget about it.
    Within a couple of weeks we got a valuation for our house that was a bit more than we thought so it went on the market and we jumped through all the hoops of viewings etc. We had lower offers that we turned down. We carried on looking but every bungalow was compared against the one that sold and was lacking. In the end we even started looking at houses with the idea that we'd get a stairlift eventually (our knees are rubbish). Anyway 5 months passed, we didn't hear from the agent so we bungalow down as 'the one that got away'. Then we got a cash buyer at full price for our house but we hadn't seen anything at all that we liked so we were a little concerned.
    We had a call out of the blue from the agent to say the dream bungalow had fallen through not once but 3 times since we viewed. It was one couple whose house sale fell through, and then their second buyer and their third buyer all fell through. We told him that we had a cash buyer and had any offer accepted the same day. We still can't believe our luck.

  6. Imposter syndrome ... otherwise known as 'happiness stealer', don't let it steal yours. You played fair and square, you jumped through all the hoops necessary, submitted all the relevant details and proof of their legitimacy, and then you patiently waited. You are there because you deserve to be there and because this was meant to be yours. Now all you have to do is enjoy it, and don't let anyone dampen this enjoyment.

    As for the table and chairs it sounds like a really good idea to swap them over. Our dogs are fine for 4 or 5 hours too, we've even had to leave them a bit longer recently due to family emergencies and from their bleary eyes it appears they just sleep the time away.

  7. I actually thought I was the only one in the world that worried I was in a dream and if I pinched myself I would find I was some place that wasn't as lovely as my home. Good idea on changing your tables and chairs.

    God bless.

  8. You have every right to have your lovely home and you put in a lot of hard work getting documentation, etc, done and dusted - you wouldn't have been awarded it if there hadn't been the need and I am very glad for you. xx


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