I'm finding day to day life increasingly difficult, responsibilities are weighing heavily on me and the reality is it's just not easy trying to do everything on my own. Along with the constant forgetfulness, husband is so argumentative and obstinate now, he flatly denies saying or doing things, constantly argues with me and moans like mad if I ask him to do anything. I know it's not deliberate, well not consciously so, it's most likely to do with whatever is wrong with him, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I am constantly making allowances for him, and having to explain to others why he's so rude now. Frankly, it's not nice to live with on a daily basis. He never appreciates anything I do for him. It's such an effort trying to get him to do anything, especially when he keeps rolling his eyes at me and grumbling, so I end up gritting my teeth and doing it myself.
I feel so bloody low, unsupported, alone and so tired of everything. And yet I try to keep everything normal and carry on, on a daily basis.
If anybody is fed up with reading my complaints - well don't read my blog. And if anyone wants to tell me to be more tolerant with him, don't do that either - god knows I bloody well am! Nobody else lives my life, or is a fly on the wall, so nobody knows exactly what it's like. And please don't tell me I should be thankful I still have a husband - I've had that said to me in comments several times. There is a limit to how much I can cope with, and I'm fast reaching that.
And please don't tell me to go to the GP either - I'm absolutely not having antidepressants (I was on them supposedly for a short time a few years ago, and it took over 2 years to come off them....I'm not doing that again) and nor do I want any kind of talking therapy.
Because husband has always been so chatty, laid back and the life and soul of the party (not so much now), everyone who knows us thinks he's absolutely marvellous. And because I've always stayed in the background and let him have centre stage, I don't get noticed. Husband always butted in and took over the conversation if I was talking anyway, so I just more or less stopped talking.
I'm not going to be writing my blog anymore, unless there's something to report - like results of his next lot of brain tests, or a house move....and I have little faith that that's going to happen anytime soon.
Thank you all for reading, I've really appreciated the support.
I'll get through this, somehow, I always do.
Oh, Sooze, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low, but can quite understand how it's all getting too much to cope with. Once again, I wish I lived close enough to be of some practical help, but you have my email address if ever you want to unload. Sending lots of love and hugs, as always, my friend. xx
ReplyDeleteIt must be so hard for you, I’m sorry it’s such a struggle. I often think how well organised and capable you are, but of course, we all need to feel appreciated and cared for and I hope you get your mojo back soon. Take care, even though we’ve never met, you are valued and how you feel, does matter. X
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I hope you get the results soon. My husband, Steve and I live in a retirement complex after living on a canal boat for a few years. Steve is unhappy here and blames me. He is very sociable and has taken over all the get togethers here and so I also retire into the background.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel so down. Life isn't always what you want for yourself. It just ends up shit through no fault of your own. I have everything I could want, a house, daughters, grandchildren but still feel miserable living with someone who doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. But it's my own fault for feeling pity for someone. I sort of know what your going through. Take care of yourself xx
ReplyDeleteI feel so saddened at your situation (and Hester's too). I've not been in your own personal health situation or the situation that you are in with your husband so I absolutely cannot speak from experience. My only thoughts are 'how would I cope if it was me?' and the only thing I can think of is that I'd try to imagine getting through a tough day like it was my job, an actual paid job, and remove myself from the 'married couple' element and act as if I was his carer and be more detached and possibly even professional in the approach to getting jobs done etc.
ReplyDeletePlease feel free to tell me that this is complete and utter rubbish, that's fine, you are there and I'm not.
If I was employed as his carer, I'd have the option of saying 'I'm not putting up with this' and walking away. I don't have that option.
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ReplyDeleteUnderstand completely how you feel. I wonder what happened to the guy I married. Stress and a possible undiagnosed autistic spectrum is hard to deal with. Sometimes just getting on with things and being quiet is the best way. At least I know I've not done anything to antagonise my hubby.
ReplyDeleteKeeping things "normal" and having a routine helps us deal with life. I always thought that life got easier as we got older, no darn way. As for a house move I've been waiting years to move to a bungalow, so I'm getting rid of stuff so it'll be easier when that day arrives. Hope things improve for you and don't feel guilty for having a moan about life. If we look hard enough there's always something positive.
Sounds exactly like my Dad's girlfriend...she was a nightmare and we didn't understand what was happening to her. Such a sad time.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with you...it's not you fault.
I know...
hugs
Donna
Just know that we are here ... and we really care for you. xx
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad for your situation. I wish there was something could be done to alleviate all of it. Please take care of yourself.
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Sooze, I think that writing the posts are a good way for you to get things out of your system. It doesn't matter what others think but you can clear your mind a bit, don't stop. Hugs. Briony x
ReplyDeleteIt's very hard when personalities change. Not sure what meds he is taking but worth discussing with the GP to see if they are having an effect on him. (Apologies if you have already been down that road). My husband had two strokes (mild) a couple of years ago, while there are no outward symptoms I've noticed a slow change in his personality and it is hard to cope with/accept, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there and keep on posting. Viv
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to add to the comments of support for you, Sooze. It's so sad to know that you feel so low, due to your situation. I understand how it has got you down, coping as you do but not being appreciated or supported and feeling that nothing can be done to help you.
ReplyDeleteI know I would 'blow my top' at him, it would have to happen after putting up with the constant arguing, complaining, insults and everything else. It would be a huge relief for me and might hopefully be a shock to him, enough to make him realise that it can't go on as things are. But that's me and my way of dealing with the situation; I wish you could find your own way of dealing with it and not just by stopping blogging, or talking or slipping into the background. I strongly feel that you need to talk to your doctor, not just about your husband's meds, etc. but about YOUR feelings and situation. (Love & Great Big HUGS) from me. Sooze.
Another message of support here! Like your other readers, I really appreciate your honesty and the 'real life' nature of your blog. It really helps those of us who are managing in less than optimum situations. You have done amazing things, and even though you say it's because there's just nobody else to do it, imo that downplays the grit and determination you've shown. I'm so sorry that things are so very tough for you at the moment, and I really hope you have some brighter days soon.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))). I can only imagine how exhausting and wearing this is on you. I also appreciate your honesty and how you document your day to day life. I hope the days go better for you very soon. Is there a family member or close friend you can talk to?
ReplyDeleteI do hope the clouds in your days disappear very soon.
God bless
Loads of love and hugs to you. As others have said, maybe this blog is a way of writing it all out, having a good old scream at fate or whatever you want to call it. I love your honesty and so wish I could help but I can't, I know that, so am sending love and hopes for a much improved situation as soon as possible. xx
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