Friday, 21 June 2019

That DNR thing, and poor husband

Thank you once again for all the comments.  

Regarding the DNR, our issue wasn't with that itself - we're all in agreement that it's entirely Mum's decision (she's said she DOES want to be resuscitated).  The point is that the medical staff just thrust the subject on Mum and sis completely out of the blue, and didn't mention it's a routine question they ask everybody, they gave the impression that Mum was about to pop her clogs imminently and frightened both mum and sis out of their wits.  Us too when sis told us, clearly distressed.  And coming on top of all the stuff going on with husband at present, it knocked me sideways.

Mum and sis have both said that the hospital staff are lovely, very kind....BUT they are extremely busy, to the point of being rushed off their feet - it sometimes takes ages apparently for them to bring mum a bedpan or some painkillers, when she's asked for them.  It's a very big and busy hospital in a large town and they are shortstaffed (what a surprise, our wonderful NHS - and it is wonderful - is being run into the ground).

Husband is still in a lot of pain when peeing, I hate hearing him suffer, I feel so sorry for him and so helpless.  Painkillers do nothing.  He's also extremely uncomfortable, having had things shoved up both his (look away now if you're of a delicate disposition!) willy and his bumhole.  He continues to have a frequent and very urgent need to pee and is having to get up several times a night, meaning both of us are knackered (although he does nap during the day, which I have no objection to - he needs the sleep, whereas I can cope without it, having had years and years of practise!).  But it is all getting to him, he was very quiet last night and said he felt very down and depressed, unsurprisingly.  Today though he does seem more upbeat, and we've decided to try going out for lunch, just down to the Walled Gardens café in the village.  It's only a few minutes away, it has a toilet, and we'll only be there about an hour, so it should be ok for him.  I think we both need to get out.

The consultant did say the tablets will take time to work (the prostate shrinkage ones could take weeks, the bladder relaxation ones quicker).  I did mention to husband that perhaps he should consider going to the GP again for the pain and feeling so down, he said he'll give it till next week and see how he feels then.  If he's no better, I'll make sure he goes to the GP.

50 and counting, yes the hospital did mention a TURP to us - well, they didn't call it that, I had to google it when you mentioned it, but yes that is what they talked about, if the tablets aren't successful.

We do both feel very battered emotionally and physically at the minute, and I am finding it hard to cope....keeping busy is the only thing that's keeping me going.  I've done a load of food prep the past couple of days, details on my food blog.  


  1. You're going through a very tough time, all of you, so no wonder you are feeling battered and extremely stressed. I just wish there was something we could do apart from sending love - which we are doing.
    Yes, the NHS nurses are totally run off their feet. It's not in any way their fault but it can be frustrating. Dad and I felt that when Mum was is. Everyone was wonderful, but . . .

  2. Good you have found something to keep you prep.
    So sorry for all the unanswered questions from the health care.
    Sometimes I think that all this is so standard and day to day that they know what they are doing , but we don't , and the forget to explain some things.

  3. Glad you are keeping busy. Illness, both your own and other people's is exhausting physically and emotionally. Hope things get better soon.

  4. My youngest son is a nursing sister and so I know all about how rushed off their feet they all are. He often works 12 hours without a real break. At the moment he is very disillusioned with nursing and who can blame him. He can see where it's all going wrong but is helpless to do anything.
    We are a bit down here as well, it a bit depressing knowing that Tom is gradually getting worse and what the outcome is but we have a moment and then try to get on again, not easy..

  5. Mega vibes that your husband's pain is easing very soon!


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