Saturday, 15 June 2019

So tired

I've always known I get very little sleep, but this sleep clinic thing and keeping a nightly sleep diary has really opened my eyes as to just how little sleep I get.  The recommended nightly amount of sleep for a healthy adult is 7-8 hours, a total of 49-56 weekly.  According to my sleep diary (which I record accurately - what would be the point otherwise, I'd only be kidding myself!), I got 29.5 hours last week, so far this week (6 nights) I've had 25 hours.  So I get about half the amount of sleep I should be, to be healthy.  

Some people think that because I've had insomnia my whole life, I should be used to it - it's been said to me lots of times.  Well, I say bollocks to that - just because I'm used to it, doesn't mean it's healthy or good for me or even satisfactory - I'm a human, my body and mind need sleep just as much as the next person.  And i'm not functioning at all well without it - I'm permanently exhausted, from the moment I get out of bed.  

I'm extremely forgetful, much more so recently - I forget I've got a pan of eggs boiling on the stove and only remember when the pan's boiled dry and I suddenly hear the eggs rattling around, I forget to turn the oven on to cook dinner.  I put the kettle on for coffee and completely forget about making it.  I put my washing in the tumble dryer and only remember it hours and hours later.  I go to get something out of the freezer in the utility room, have to take out something that's blocking the way of the thing I want to get out, put it on the worktop and forget to put it back in the freezer, finding it defrosted several hours later.  I run out of milk late in the afternoon because I'd forgotten to get one out of the freezer early in the morning.  I make a card for someone's birthday, put it in the envelope, seal it up and address the front and put a stamp on it, then realise I'd completely forgotten to write INSIDE the card.  I write a list of things I need to remember to do, put the notebook down somewhere, and then can't remember where I put it.  All of these things have happened to me this week.

I'm so crotchety because I'm so tired that I keep biting people's heads off - they look startled, injured, offended, and act like I've stabbed them in the heart.  They don't stop to think there's maybe a reason why I'm like it.

My sore hip and back are a permanent fixture now....normally I just try and ignore the pain and carry on, but it's getting increasingly difficult now I'm so tired all the time, I'm less able to cope with the pain.

My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool, my brain is so foggy I struggle to work out the simplest things, like what I have to do next or what it is I'm actually doing right now.  My husband asks me how to spell a word (he's dyslexic) and I simply cannot remember - and spelling and English were always my best subjects at school.

I'm really worried about my Mum and really want to go and see her, but am also worried about my husband and don't feel able to leave him right now.  I just can't decide what to do for the best.  

All my family and friends have far worse problems than I, my health problems are nothing compared to theirs, my life is relaxed and easy compared to theirs.

But I just wish someone would take me by the hand and say 'don't worry Sue, I'll take care of everything for the next few days, I'll look after you and do everything for you, you don't need to do anything'.  I just feel that my needs and wants get forgotten about and pushed aside because mine are nothing and everyone else's take precedence.  And I feel terribly guilty and selfish even thinking that.


  1. Oh Sue love I so feel for you. I too have been an insomniac most of my life but it's different when you have pain to cope with too. My head is stuffed with cotton wool but my excuse it that it is the medication. I hope your sleep clinic is able to offer some solutions. x

  2. I think my sleep time is about 4-5 hours, give or take. I have difficulty getting off so it can be around 2am or 3am before I drift off. Some nights, I am awake all night. Most of the time I operate fine but do worry what the lack of sleep is doing long term.

  3. Don't feel guilty or selfish as we can't help our thoughts whether they are fleeting or linger in our minds. It is only natural that our first thoughts are always about ourselves because we know how our bodies are re-acting to certain circumstances/medication etc so if you are 'selfish' it's as it should be.

    We are total opposites with sleep. I don't have sleep deprivation regularly, but do have occasional nights when I can't sleep, so don't know what continual insomnia affects. One of the symptoms from my condition is fatigue which is different to normal tiredness, consequently I'm always sleeping, but even sleeping for one to two hours during the day doesn't affect me sleeping at night. I wish it was different as I feel my days are 'wasted', but if I don't 'give in' to my body I suffer for it later, as you are doing now.

    I hope someone finds a solution for you soon as it sounds like you have had enough.

  4. Two of the many symptoms of B12 deficiency are sleeplessness, and forgetfulness, particularly around words( nominal aphasia). I had both of these symptoms( amongst a whole host of others) and still do when my 12 weekly injection is due. I have always been able to spell, and have a 1st class teaching degree specialising in English, but could barely hold a conversation, as I couldn't recall words, and I lost the ability to spell. If you have other symptoms from the list it may be worth asking your GP for a blood test to check your B12 levels.

  5. Your wish to have someone help you through a few days would be granted if only we lived closer - I would be happy to help in anyway I could. I sometimes have an occasional sleepless night but not every night so I know how much it must be affecting you.
    In respect of the B12 mentioned above, I might add that often blood tests results can be in the normal range but you can still have symptoms unfortunately the GP's don't seem to want to treat anyone unless they fall outside the range.
    My daughter kept going back time and time again to the doctor with symptoms that suggested iron deficiency but was told the test result was OK - luckily the last time she got a different doctor that checked her iron stores - they were virtually at zero. As soon as she started taking iron so many symptoms started clearing up. It may well be that your insomnia and other problems are because of a deficiency. One way to test it yourself is take a general multi vitamin and mineral supplement or the B complex vitamins that are good for stress and see if you feel mildly better after a month. If you do it might indicate that you are short of something even if you won't know exactly which one.
    Hope you get a solution soon. x

  6. Hugs, if I were near, I would come take care of you. You so remind me of myself. I feel the way you do sometimes about my needs seem to not matter. But, they do to me and I have to shake myself out of it and take care of myself, because no one else will , if I don't. A good health check over for you sounds like it might be in order. Try the vitamin road , look up what causes your symptoms and what you may be lacking.
    I take some after I have looked up what my symptoms are. It seems to help.

  7. I just looked up and iron deficiency can cause imsomnia.

  8. I'm sorry I have absolutely no helpful advice at all other than my very best wishes and hugs. {{{{Sooze}}}}

  9. Oh, love, you know I would be there if I lived nearer to you! Tell the sleep clinic what you have just told us, to make sure that they know exactly what is going on in your life.

    It might be as well to explore the vitamin/mineral route too, anything to help you find a solution. Hugs! xx

  10. I work nights and get 5-6 hours the four nights I'm out.. It's better now that I have one job, but the thing that made the difference was my mattress. Have you tried memory foam?


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