Doesn't the death of a loved one concentrate your mind? You have regrets, of course - circumstances meant I hadn't been able to see my aunt for a couple of years, and I feel really bad about that now. I did speak to her on the phone a few times, but not nearly as often as I could have.
It also makes you realise what's important in life - our loved ones are important, of course, and we should do our utmost to keep in contact as much as possible, and forget silly little niggles that just don't matter.
And then there's the funeral itself, which cousin is currently arranging. There are a few family members who none of us has been in contact with for years, for various reasons - and they're not trivial ones either. Sylvia herself had fallen out of contact with these particular people and I know she wouldn't want them at her funeral, as does cousin. However, they've been in contact with cousin to express their condolences (we don't know how they found out), and cousin is now worrying that they might turn up to the funeral. She says she'll have them ejected if they do.
It's difficult isn't it - on the one hand, they're family, they might want to bury the hatchet, they could well be wanting to say their goodbyes. On the other, things happened in the past that were so serious that they can never be water under the bridge. I for one have no desire to have contact with them ever again, but if they do turn up at the funeral I shan't be rude to them, if only out of respect for my aunt, cousins and the occasion itself. But nor will I speak to them.
I know there are certain members of the extended family who think the 'black sheep' should be welcomed back into the fold - either they don't know the whole story or they have short memories.
Don't you just hate funerals?! Big family occasions, especially if drink is available, often seem to bring out the worst in people.
We seem to have experienced quite a lot of deaths in our family/close circle over the past few years (naturally comes with advancing age, of course). It's made me more determined to embrace our remaining loved ones, keep in contact more, tell (and show) them we love them. And don't mess about in life - identify what you want and just go for it!
A very tricky situation and I hope, for all your sakes, the situation doesn't arise and no decisions have to be made.
ReplyDeletexx
Sooze, I appreciate you and your sharing your life in a blog with us, perfect strangers.
ReplyDeleteI am quite like you and find you interesting. Thank you for being you . Thanks.
I didn't at all mean to criticize you I hope you didn't take it that way.
DeleteI really like reading your blog and how someone else's life is going compared to mine , in a different country.
Please , please don't take it as a criticism , never meant it like that for a moment. I like that you are so real and down to earth. Someone I would like to know in real life.
Hugs.
No I didn't take it as a criticism at all, you have nothing to fret about. It just made me wonder whether I do in fact say too much. Thank you, I would like to know you too x
DeleteA think weddings can also be a problem but you are right about funeral's and who comes out the woodwork.
ReplyDeleteNeither of us like funerals and have decided that we will not be having any. Once we are gone that will be it. I can never understand why after about a week when you are just coming to terms with what has happened you then have to bring it all up again with a funeral. We have said that we will remember each of us as we were and not in a casket.
ReplyDeleteThat's just us and I realise that its not for everyone.
Briony
x
My friend's mum didn't want a funeral(his dad had died years before), for no reason other than she felt them a waste of time when you are gone, but she did want to be creamated. I am not sure now if my friend collected his mum from the undertakers or the hospital but he drove her to the crematorium himself in a van and dropped her off (well handed her over) just before closing time! I don't think this method of dispatch would be for everyone but it made us smile and was typical of his rather unconventional family. Good luck at yours - luckily all our family on both sides have never had any cause to fall out so they are quite special gatherings when we can all get together and have a catch up.x
ReplyDeleteI wish that there was no need for the gathering of disparate people at funerals. Personally, I now never go to them. Church ones I cannot relate to and the Crematorium ones are totally soul-less. My daughter has instructions to dig a hole and put me in it, without embalming fluid or casket and to invite no-one other than the person she loves most, at the time, to support her, emotionally.
ReplyDeleteHugs as always. xxx