I had no choice

 Thank you for all the comments yesterday on our good news.  Some of you commented on me being strong minded and sticking with it.  Well, the bottom line is.....I HAD to, I had no choice, if I didn't do it, nobody else would or could have.  We don't have children (as a couple, husband has from his first marriage) and our families all live a long way away.  We don't really have close friends who are able or willing to help, for whatever reason.  So everything is down to me.

I don't mind admitting that I've found things extremely difficult over the past couple of years, to the point where I've felt like I was having a nervous breakdown a few times.  Some of you may remember that I posted a while back that I thought my marriage was over, we were going through a particularly difficult time and I really was at the end of my tether.  There are things that happened that I didn't write about - some things are best kept private and are certainly not for public announcement.....I didn't even tell family or close friends.  The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that my husband would really have been in very dire straits if I opted out - I couldn't do that to him.  But it has been hard, very hard indeed, coping with everything all on my own.  Thankfully, I come from a family of very strong women, none of whom have ever given up, despite some serious troubles.  My own life hasn't been a bed of roses by any means, but that's all in the past (even though some of it still has ramifications now).

Sometimes, I do wish that someone (and I'm not just talking about my husband) would give me a big hug and say "Take it easy, sit yourself down and stop worrying, I'll do what needs doing, take care of things and of you".  But whilst that's a really lovely dream, that's all it is - a dream, it's not going to happen.  So I have to put on my big girl pants (actually, I've been wearing them for years!) and just get on with things.  I've been doing that since I was 13 years old, so it's not like it's anything new or that I'm not used to doing.  I know this sounds a bit self-pitying - I'm not feeling sorry for myself, not at all, just being pragmatic....this is my life, for better or worse.

And just to put it out there - husband and I are fine now, things are going really quite well, we've come to a better understanding of each other and work together well.

We had a nice morning yesterday, we drove out to Minehead - the weather finally was considerably warmer.  We went in Wetherspoons for brunch.....I know the place isn't to everybody's taste, but they do some lovely breakfasts at very reasonable prices.  Husband had a big fry up, I had Eggs Benedict - some places do it with bacon, others using Yorkshire ham - I prefer the ham, which Wetherspoons do.  My only criticism, and it's nothing bad, the opposite really, is that there was too much ham for my liking - thick slices folded in half so it was double thickness, I cut out and left half of the ham.  The poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce were delicious.  Oh, it would be better if they offered wholemeal muffins as a choice, instead of only white, but never mind.  We both enjoyed it all anyway, and their coffee is lovely.  Then we had a wander around the charity shops, of which there are several in Minehead.  And, guess what, I didn't buy anything - I resisted the temptation as there's no point in buying more stuff when we're in the process of getting rid of loads.

I'm currently going through a severe insomnia phase (too much on my mind, I expect), I'm awake for 2 or 3 hours generally between 02.00 and 05.00 every night and it's really wearing me out.  It'll stop before long, it always does, but in the meantime I'm shattered.