Yesterday I received a comment on that day's blog 'Toilet habits' which was quite critical in nature and made assumptions about both me and my husband.....and this from someone, I believe in another country, who doesn't know me and isn't a regular commenter. I published it initially, as I had no reason not to - it wasn't bare-faced rude, just not very nice - although they worded the criticism in a sort of nice way. But it preyed on my mind throughout the day and into the night, until eventually later on after I'd gone to bed, I deleted not only the comment, but the whole blog post. You know when someone you vaguely know says something quite waspish to your face, whilst smiling and patting you on the arm, and then breezes off with a cheerful wave - and it's not until afterwards that you think 'actually, that wasn't nice at all and I wish I'd realised and said something at the time'? Well, it felt like that. As it happens, I also had another comment, anonymous of course, which was really nasty, which obviously just got binned immediately. I'd also had a text from someone I know who more or less accused me of lying about something, which was completely unjustified and the person should have known that I wouldn't even know how to do what they were implying I'd done.
Some while ago now, probably a year or more ago, I got a comment from a blogger who is well known and has blogged for a number of years (still going strong) and who I've always followed and respect enormously for the way they've coped with sadness in their life. This blogger basically was saying that I should stop complaining and be grateful I have a husband, or something along those lines, and I don't think they've commented on my blog since. It upset me such a lot.
Unless you know me in real life - and 95% of my readers don't - then you only know what I choose to put on here.....and I don't write about everything by any means, I do hold back on a lot of things. I don't tell lies, I just don't give the whole picture lock, stock and barrel. Why would I? That would be stupid. Also, we're not all clones, we don't all react to or cope with things the same way.
My blog is warts and all, I don't just write a sanitised happy blog full of sweetness, romance, fairy cakes, sunshiny days and puppy dogs tails where nothing goes wrong ever. Because it wouldn't be true, life just isn't like that - well, mine isn't! But perhaps I should, just to keep my readers happy!
I am very stressed and anxious at the moment, and very worried about my husband and other things in my life. I have a hell of a lot to cope with, not all of which you know, and unless you walk in my shoes then you don't know the half of it, you only know what I decide to tell people. Coincidentally, there was a headline on an article in the paper yesterday which said "What's the secret to giving good advice? Wait until you are asked for it". Amen to that.
As of now, I don't feel like writing a blog anymore. Whether that will change in due course, I don't know.
Oh, Sooze, I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. You know I'm one of your readers who love your "warts and all" type of blogging. No-one's life is all sunshine and roses, and I would hate to read a blog that pretended it was! I quite understand if you need a break from everything, and if that break from blogging is a permanent one, I understand that, too. Take care, dear friend. Don't let the b*****ds grind you down. xx
ReplyDeleteI totally get that, Sooze. I know it looks like I rabbit on and on about absolutely everything but, in fact, like you, I very carefully select what I want to write and there's lots that never sees the light of blogger day.
ReplyDeleteI've been super-lucky with comments, I guess, but no-one has the right to make waspish or critical personal comments when, surely, everyone knows we don't have the full picture (and nor should we).
That headline is spot on, it really is.
If you choose not to blog any more, I will miss you tremendously but totally understand that you have to do what is best for you. Take care and sending lots of love and best wishes. xx
Oh, I do wish people would not be such unthinking idiots. I have a scenario in my live which I don’t discuss online, why should I? I do sound off occasionally but who doesn’t.
ReplyDeleteThat's tough for you. I've been in the situation of waiting for test results, and even though I was 90% sure it would be OK it is still stressful and surprisingly difficult to get on with things. Hope things improve and I'll be thinking of you whether you blog or not.
ReplyDeleteOh Sooze, I am so sorry you had such negative responses, I loathe passive aggressive.
ReplyDeleteI'm drawn to your blog because it's very readable, honest, warts and all, and some of it reflects on my life too and makes me feel less 'alone'. xx
I have had upsetting comments in the past Sooze, that is why I only blog on things that cannot draw in the nasties of the blog world. It is upsetting isn't it. Don't stop blogging for a few people who have nothing to do but be nasty. Hugs
ReplyDeleteBriony
x
I'm sorry you've been upset Sooze. I had my fill of people who make assumptions, particularly one woman who was insistent that I should share every last little thing as, in her words, 'it will make you feel better'. No, it absolutely wouldn't, it would just put it out there for ever more to be picked over by ghouls like her, and I told her so in no uncertain terms. Quite often the things weren't mine to tell, but they were having a major impact on my life, and still are, only now nobody knows anything about it because writing publicly just adds to the trauma. I read every day but my phone rarely plays ball with commenting, and I no longer have a functioning laptop. Take care, and I'm thinking of you both as I understand the worry of waiting for a brain scan and results x
ReplyDeleteOh Sooze...sweetheart! You Must remember that this is YOUR journal! YOU can write whatever YOU choose to write. The idiot that texted you needs to be told, sweetly, of course...lol...to mind their own business. You can block people from your blog; did you know that? I managed to do it once. A simple rule of blog writing is, "if you wouldn't say it to your mother then...don't write it".
ReplyDeleteI write what I want or need to...and I try to not hurt anyone.
I read your blog because you're truthful...natural in what you have to say...and caring of your husband. I know it's not easy to be in your position; living in your situation. We ALL say things to our husbands in the heat of the moment...So What? It's Reality...doesn't mean we don't love and worry about them. My hubby is far from being Mr Perfect and neither is he ill...I applaud you Sooze! It's hard enough living with them...it's a whole 'nother world if they are ill, as well.
So! You keep writing in YOUR blog...Know that you have fellow bloggers that love and admire you for just being You!
Sending you a Huge Hug today!
Your Friend in Blogland,
Donna
I have quit reading so many blogs…they stress me. Do not quit this blog my friend. There are a few of us who won’t be happy. I don’t comment often because for some reason Google makes it difficult. That being said, please ignore the naysayers, and you write your heart. Some matters that the commenters bring up are not subjects I would comment about, but then I am pretty much a prude as most might say…lol…certain topics if you get my drift. I care about you. I believe you are a patient and kind person…prayers. I enjoy blogs about books, life, and recipes…politics not so much…people who just write about spending money..not really…and please those who think they no all…really? You just keep going on..
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that someone felt it was their right to insert their opinion into your blog post. Each of us has difficulties to deal with and having a place where you can vent your frustrations is a blessing. No one has the right to judge you, your life, your reaction to your life. I am hoping that life will get easier for you and that you can find ways to relieve some of the stress you are feeling. I have been through hell the last 3 1/2 years and I completely understand.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually comment on your blog because I'm too idle to log in most days but I do read it regularly and enjoy your style and content. Why the occasional know it all feels they are entitled to put derogatory comments on your blog beggars belief, it really is none of their business........ sorry that you've had a bad time because of this.
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
I’m sorry that you have been so upset by people who have no right to say what they did. That old saying ‘ if you haven’t got anything nice to say, then don’t say it’ or something like that is my mantra. We none of us know what someone is going through so be kind everyone. Take care x
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your blog everyday. Hearing about about the joys of having the caravan makes me feel like I'm there.
ReplyDeleteI've been praying that you and your husband get a good report from the neurologist.
I certainly respect your right to stop blogging but fingers crossed you don't
Thanks, Margaret from the US
Dear Sooze, please put those nasty comments out of your mind and know that most followers of your lovely blog think the world of you and the way you write about your life. I would definitely miss you if you felt unable to continue blogging: I anticipate along with you when you have a caravan break coming up and love how that change of scenery cheers you up, your pleasure in planting the flowers and shrubs; the descriptions of Betty and her actions. We commiserate and sympathise when your hubby drives you mad (!) and compare it to our own trials and tribulations.
ReplyDeleteI hope the comments today will let you know how we love you and your blog and that you will feel able to continue writing about your thoughts - and recipes!!! Big (((((HUG))))) xx
Massive love and hugs are being sent your way my lovely. Nasty comments will always stay with us even if it is just one in amongst all manner of lovely ones. They have the power to hurt us badly. Please know this... it speaks volumes about who they are as a person so please don't let nasty folk win as they get the public glory of getting to very lovely lady whose blog l enjoy very much. As my beautiful mummy used to say never let bullies (as that's what they are) know that they have got to you. All the best Lee 🥰 xxx
ReplyDeleteSooze love. Don't let nasty individuals spoil your blogging fun. I don't believe any of us share every tiny detail and nor should we. You have enough worry going on right now without unpleasant people causing you any extra.
ReplyDeleteJust know that the vast majority of your blogging buddies and readers are really here for you no matter what you post about. There are some real nasty nellies out there ... that funnily always comment as anonymous ... just bitching their way through life hoping to upset as many people as they can. Unfortunately, it's always the 1% of nastiness that we remember and dwell on isn't it, I've been on the verge of quitting a few times until I think of all the lovely comments I get on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteAs someone used to say to me 'don't let the bar-stewards grind you down' ... well it was something to that effect. ;-)
Don't let some unkind people stop you from blogging. I read your post but don't comment a lot - I think it's a good sharing tool and can help you get things off your chest. You carry on being you, as you say, this is just a snapshot of your life that you share. All the best. viv
ReplyDeleteI really hope you continue posting. I don't often comment but love reading and learning from you. I hope you can " find your feet" and just let those comments go into the toilet where they belong.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you carry on blogging as I love reading your blog. Please don't let nasty people put you off, it's them that have a problem not you. Best wishes xxx
ReplyDeleteHugs. I enjoy your blog though rarely comment.
ReplyDelete