I spent most of Christmas eve and Christmas day in tears, I found it a lot harder this year than when Mum died last year. Probably because it was just husband and I on our own at home. My siblings, all of whom live a long way away, had their (adult) children with them in their own 3 household bubbles. We couldn't see the friends we usually see at Christmas. We didn't see any of them on screen.
This year of lockdowns, and all the problems we've had, has revealed cracks in our marriage that I've been papering over for years. I have no idea what the future holds for us right now, I can't even begin to think about it. I'm not going to be talking about it on here, what happens happens. All I'm focusing on now is my bladder operation on 13 January...unless covid postpones it.
I have to stop taking my CBD oil for 2 weeks prior to the op (orders of the pre op nurse), I actually stopped it 3 days ago just to see how I feel. I've also stopped taking the codeine - I didn't like taking it anyway, I'm not one for taking painkillers on a regular basis as I think your body just gets used to them. And the constipation side effects meant I was having to take other medication to combat that, which I didn't like doing either. So I'm in pain and not sleeping very well at all. Well, it's only pain, and at least the pain helps take my mind off other things.
Wouldn't it be nice to just close my eyes and wake up in March next year. I hate winter.
I am thinking of you Sue and hope life is settled down soon. If it helps in any way you can phone me or write anytime.
ReplyDeleteHazel c uk 🌈🌈🌈
Oh, Sooze, you've had a rough time this past year, no wonder you're feeling so low. Sending hugs and wishes for better times to come. xxx
ReplyDeleteI understand the papering over of cracks. Financially we are together and in case we ever become grandparents. He has his interests and has made it very clear I am boring.
ReplyDeleteWe'll bumble along until the end. It's more trouble than its worth to start over at 61.
You have a lot of living still to do enjoy wherever way you choose.
DeleteOh Sooze love. Life hasn't been easy for you lately has it. I do hope 2021 is much kinder to you. x
ReplyDeletePeople have said what I would say so I'm sending all my love, loads of virtual hugs and hopes that things will get better for you soon. Anything I can do, just ask. If you'd like an online chat, I can do that. Just say.
ReplyDeletexxx
This has happened to so many people during this terrible last year, you are doing exactly the right thing in looking forward to the operation as a first step. Once you are recovered from that, and indeed while you are recovering, you will be able to assess the next steps you need to take. Just remember we are all here for you, for a rant, a private email or just to share words and thoughts with. Take care. xx
ReplyDeletePrayers
ReplyDeleteCOVID is showing cracks for many
PrYers dear girl
You aren't alone, this pandemic is so very hard on so many. Just keep on every day, it will be okay in the end. If it isn't okay, its not the end.
ReplyDeleteGoodness, you are going through the mill. I hope your op goes as planned, not feeling 100% adds to everything else you're trying to deal with. Once thats out of the way you can gather your strength to deal with the next steps you may want to take. My cracks have been there longer than Covid. But Covid has made me realise life can be turned on its head at anytime and I must start living a life for me. I must stop being what everybody else wants me to be. If you want, need to talk let me know, I'll give you my email. Look after yourself. X
ReplyDeleteYes,Frugal in Essex....living a life for me. I realize this as well. ME.... is an important .
ReplyDelete