We're at the caravan now.
It's been a really difficult week, probably the worst one in this period of depression. I've been terribly low mentally, crying a lot behind closed doors. I've had stomach upsets all week, awful tension headaches making my head feel like it's got an anvil sitting on top of it and the back of my neck feeling like it's being squeezed in a vice. Eczema has flared up, and a cold sore. Sleep has been even worse than usual, which means I feel like a zombie. All this is stress and anxiety related, I know. Don't think I've eaten a full meal this week, most days my appetite has disappeared halfway through whatever meal I've served up. Cannot think straight at all, twice when using my debit card in shops this week I tapped in the wrong pin number, husband had to pay as I couldn't remember the correct number so ran the risk of my card being locked. I've dropped things, misplaced things, overcooked several things as I simply forgot how long they'd been cooking - all of this is just so unlike me. I've felt like I had no purpose in life, that nobody would even notice, let alone care, if I wasn't around. Sometimes it just feels like people don't take any notice of me or really listen to what I say, it's what they want that's important, not what I want or need.
Hopefully, being here at the van will help....I'm sure it will. All the holiday crowds have gone, there's hardly anyone here and it's so peaceful. We'll be here for at least a week, probably longer. Husband has a hospital appointment tomorrow and will be gone for several hours, he's also going home a couple of times during the week to water the veg in the garden and collect post (I'm expecting some important stuff), so I'll have some quiet time on my own. He'll be taking Betty with him so she can have a good run around in the field behind our house - there's not really anywhere close to the caravan park where she can safely be let off the lead.
Already I can feel the tension in the back of my neck easing off. It's going to be nice weather for the coming week, I've got loads of books here in the van and I've brought my art and craft supplies with me.
Prayers prayers prayers
ReplyDeleteOh, Sooze, what a rotten time you've had. I'm glad things have begun to turn the corner for you now. Some quiet time at the caravan should help. Please never think people don't care - I, for one, certainly do. I've been checking your blog several times a day, and feeling sad when you haven't posted, not for my sake, but knowing that you've not felt up to it. I hope the time away continues to help you get back on an even keel. Sending hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteSending warm thoughts-you are noticed and appreciated, and I understand. I hope your week is a soothing one for your heart, mind, and body.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a horrible thing and creates all sorts of side effects. Sending you all my love and hopes that at the caravan you can feel more relaxed and at peace.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs.
xxx
Hugs and love. I am glad you have the caravan and hope it helps you relax. Depression is evil (I deal with it myself) so I totally understand how you feel. More hugs.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope things improve. I do understand how you feel Sooze as I've been there myself. I often go upstairs to have a good cry without Tom knowing as I do not want him upset. I try to do one thing at a time but when you have an over active brain it's not easy.
ReplyDeleteI just sometimes long to be on my own and quiet. I'm sure things will get better now you are at your peaceful place.
Lots of love
Briony
x
Thinking of you, Sooze and hoping you can benefit from your time on your own, painting, reading, eating when you want, what you want, without having to consider anyone else. Much as you love your husband, it must do you good when you're not having to be responsible for him and remember everything. Turn your phone off when you want to sleep, even during the day if necessary; catch up on un-interrupted rest and relaxation.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs and you will be in my prayers. Look after yourself sweet lady.
ReplyDeleteHugs dear one. So exhausted and can't sleep. Hope you can find it to do at the caravan alone. You only need your own approval , no one else"s...you are the one who counts.
ReplyDeleteHope your ok
ReplyDeleteSending good thoughts your way. Be gentle on yourself. I hope being in the caravan will help.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a terrible affliction, I do so hope that you find relief and joy at the caravan.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
and healing, peaceful solitude to come your way xx
ReplyDelete