Problems

 Whilst I do say quite a lot on here about our lives and things that happen, it's only half the story.  There's a lot about my life that I don't talk about on here, or even to people I know in my life (my 'real' life as opposed to my online blog and blog friends).  It would be stupid and very naive of me to reveal absolutely everything to everyone, even more so on a public blog that could be read by anyone.  So you will have to accept that there are things I may allude to or hint at that I won't be elaborating on.  And sometimes my emotions get the upper hand and I might blurt out or touch on something that would be better kept quiet.  There are things going on in my life now that have become more and more of a problem over the past few weeks, it will unfortunately get worse, and there's very little I can do about it.  But I won't be giving details on here.  Being able to talk about things that worry me with someone who understands helps me a lot, even if there is nothing that anyone else can realistically do to help, other than provide a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a hug.  But it seems that's been cut off, things have been said on both sides that are probably insurmountable.

Following on from this, because of the things on my mind for the past weeks/months, I've taken my eye off the ball financially somewhat.  Having had a quick look at our bank accounts in the past few days, I've been worried to note that our outgoings are more than what we have coming in and, as a result, the remaining balance of the pension windfall money that husband had 18 months or so ago is dwindling quite fast.  The fact that prices of pretty much everything have risen so much lately, and this is ongoing, is a contributory factor.  So now I'm going to have to do a big revision of our accounts and spending, get a firm grip on the finances again, and see where we can make savings.  The caravan is non-negotiable as far as I'm concerned, it's my lifeline, I would feel (be) totally trapped if we didn't have it, and it's our only means of having a holiday.  The site fees are paid up until June next year, as is the van insurance, and I'm on track with my savings towards the following year's fees....actually, I'm about 3 months ahead with the savings, so that does give me a bit of leeway.  We are in credit with our electricity (there's no gas in our hamlet), oil for the central heating, and the water - we do have quite a bit of credit with the electricity, but that will be swallowed up with the big price cap increases.  And we're with Bulb, who went into administration a few months ago - they haven't yet folded, administrators are apparently looking for someone to take it over as a going concern and in the meantime, things are carrying on pretty much as normal with our Bulb accounts (we also have them for the caravan electricity supply).  But who knows what will happen in the future?  If they do fold and we're passed over to another energy supplier, it's a certainty that our monthly payments will skyrocket.

We are on fixed incomes - husband has the State pension and 3 small private pensions....the 3 of them together only amount to around a week's shopping.  I'm not State pension age for another 3.5 years, but I do have a monthly private pension which amounts to slightly more than husband's 3 private pensions.  Then we have husband's dwindling lump sum, a relatively small amount in premium bonds and my 2 savings accounts.  And that's it, we neither get nor are eligible for any benefits (I know that for a fact, I've checked).  I can't really get the financial side of things sorted whilst we're here at the van, my internet isn't good enough and paperwork etc is at home.

So there's the financial stuff to worry about, as well as the private stuff.  And this is all on my shoulders, husband, for various reasons, is unable to help.  I WILL get through all of this, I always do - I've had a hell of a lot to cope with in my life (and entirely on my own) since the age of 12.  

So I'm not going to apologise for being moany or snappy - we all cope in different ways, we're not all robots (or blameless!), and if people don't walk in my shoes or take the time to find out what's wrong, then they're in no position to criticise or be self-righteous.