Night time when you can't sleep

Thank you for comments, the newborn calf and mother have been taken out of the field - I didn't see them go, just noticed that they're not there anymore.  I hope it means they're being looked after in a warm shed and not anything more sinister, will have to ask the farmer next time we see him.

Hazel asked about the Sweetpea blanket and what pattern I'm following.  I didn't want to wait until January to start, I wanted to make a start now seeing as it's turned so much colder.  Lucy of Attic24 published a blog post last week showing part of the blanket in the new Trellis stitch she's developed for the CAL, it was easy enough to work out what the pattern is, however, I wouldn't know how many chains or what multiple of chains she begins with.  So I decided to do my own thing, using my usual small cluster stitch I mostly use for blankets.  I'm following the colour sequence that Lucy showed for the portion of blanket pictured - what I'll do when I've finished those initial rows I don't know - I guess I have a choice between waiting then until January, or carrying on using my own initiative!  It's coming along fine at the moment, i'm loving doing it and the colours are beautiful.  I'm also not making it the standard 4ft by 6ft single bed size that Lucy normally does....my aim is to make it around 5ft square, I just did enough foundation chains until it measured 5ft long.

By the way, if anyone else has asked a question which I haven't got round to answering....my apologies, and please feel free to give me a nudge. 

I'm writing this at 3 in the morning....can't sleep as I still have an upset stomach and my anxiety levels are high right now, palpitations are making my heart feel like it's bursting out of my chest.  Taken meds and just waiting for it to ease off.  For various reasons, I've been feeling very stressed the past week or two - I know this time of year is stressful for most people with the run up to Christmas.  It's not that though, seeing as we don't really 'do' Christmas, we're not doing anything or going anywhere for it this year, we're under no pressure to buy presents or prepare mountains of food for guests (not having any guests to stay).  I'm a bit worried about husband, he's not coping with the really cold weather very well, it's a heart failure thing apparently and this of course is his first winter since being diagnosed.  I'm so glad he retired from work last year, he just wouldn't have been able to manage 12 hour shifts driving at night now.

I guess I've just felt so alone this year.  Husband deals with his health problems by more or less ignoring it, it's me who has had to organise all his medical appointments, change his diet, keep on top of his medication, make sure he's not overdoing things.  Friends and family live so far away and I get little or no support, I know everyone has their own stuff going on.  Sometimes I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away, or go and live on a desert island for a week or two.  The future does scare me a bit.  Well, quite a lot actually.