Sunday, 17 March 2019

Pros and cons

Mum has been speaking to various people about her cancer options - her GP, her minister, one or two friends who've been through similar things.  She was thinking initially that she wanted to have the kidney out - I don't think she'd considered the ramifications of it, it was more of a knee-jerk reaction to having cancer and wanting it cut out.  Now she's got more information, she's leaning towards not having it out, as she's more concerned with her recovery afterwards.  Her GP also told her that as mum has a heart problem and has had a mini stroke in the past, that puts her at risk of not surviving the general anaesthetic.  The surgeon was all for her having the kidney out - but that's what surgeons do isn't it, they do surgery, it's their job.  

My sister doesn't really want mum to have the op, both brothers haven't really passed an opinion, I haven't formed an opinion yet as I don't feel I have enough information on the pros and cons.  But whatever any of us thinks is not really important, it's mum who has to make the choice, and we'll all respect her wishes.  Mum's going back to the hospital this week for a kidney function test, to see whether it's feasible for her to survive with one kidney.  She then has to see the surgeon again the following week, to give him her decision.  In the meantime, she's being referred for contact with a Macmillan nurse, as they're the best people to talk to - they're specialists and have no agenda, they can give mum all the information and advice she needs, impartially.

We were hoping to go up to see mum before she sees the surgeon again, we would have had to find somewhere to stay as husband can't do a 3 1/2 hour drive each way in one day, it would wear him out.  However, he's not been very well for a few days, in fact he booked himself an emergency GP appointment last Friday, that shows how unwell he was feeling.  He had chest pains and was very breathless.  The GP gave him an ECG, which was fine.  GP came to the conclusion that the pains were muscular in origin, as husband had probably been overdoing things when working in the garden last week.  Personally, I think it's a combination of the muscular stuff (husband does overdo it, unless I'm standing over him!) and a result of the stress we've been under recently, giving him a tight-chested breathless feeling.  He's been given medication and has to go back this week for blood tests, and another ECG if the doctor feels it necessary.  We've decided that under the circumstances, it's not wise for husband to drive a long distance, so unfortunately we won't be able to go up to see mum.  I'll speak to my brother in Cornwall and find out if he's able to go soon (depends on his work commitments), if he can then I'll cadge a lift with him.

Finally, today, the wind has dropped quite a lot - thank goodness, it was beginning to feel like it had become a permanent fixture and yesterday was particularly blastingly cold and windy, even Betty didn't want to go out.  I didn't sleep very well last night, again - so much on my mind that it's inevitable right now, I'm not even worrying about it.  It'll get to a point where I'm so knackered I WILL sleep.  Quite a lot of blue sky now, so we may go out to a garden centre, I want to look for a climbing rose for my front garden.  And then this afternoon, after I've got dinner in the oven (roast pork), I'll sit and watch a film.


  1. Very wise not to make that long journey and hopefully you can cadge a lift, if you feel that it's necessary.
    I've heard MacMillan nurses are wonderful so she/he should be a huge help and support.
    Much love to you

  2. I am so sorry your Mum has to make this very hard decision. Try and enjoy your weekend.
    Hazel c uk

  3. What a difficult decision for your mum to have to make. I suspect if she was in good health prior to the op she would do far better too but it does sound risky as there are too many unknown possibilities that might affect the outcome.
    I am sure whatever she decides she will be surrounded by the care of her loving family. I am sorry it is so difficult for you to get to see her and I hope you can get a lift sorted.
    Enjoy a couple of hours with a good film. x

  4. I was just under 30 years old when I had a kidney removed and in good health with no other problems but it still took several weeks to feel fit again, so For an elderly lady with other health issues it might be hard, quite a long time under general anesthetic too. The Macmillan nurses will be wonderful and give good advice I'm sure.
    Hope you sleep well soon.
    Take Care

  5. My mom was in the same position as your mom. She still had my dad to make the decision with. By the time myself and my four siblings new anything all decisions had been made and there was no further discussion. It was what she/they wanted and they were at peace with the decision. My mom was 83. Hope that you and your siblings will be (happy is not the word) at peace with whatever your mom decides. Take care.

  6. A hard decision! Macmillan nurses are brilliant and the best people for information. Hope your husband feels better and you get to see your mum soon.

  7. Now I am off to find out what a Macmillan nurse is.
    You all have enough to worry about with you and your husbands health. Sounds as if your mom will get all the info she needs and do what is right for her. Take care.


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