As I've mentioned before, briefly, we have a close family member who suffers from numerous physical and mental problems, the mental ones being the most bothersome. He lives alone now and doesn't cope very well with that - but he doesn't do himself any favours because he frequently stops taking some or all of his medications. He's also flatly refused to accept any more help from his 2 social workers - one to help him with day to day living, shopping, bill paying etc, the other with mental health. As he's an adult (he's 50) we can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, even though we know it will help him.
Every so often (increasingly more so lately) he has a meltdown, usually over something very silly or trivial, and bombards us with texts and phone calls, which become more frantic, ridiculous and very abusive in nature as the minutes/hours pass. He did that last night.
I wasn't feeling at all well and was in agony with my hip - I couldn't find anywhere or any position to sit comfortably, so ended up going to bed around 8 pm, having taken codeine and a Nytol and used my freeze gel. Unfortunately, D chose then to have a meltdown - all because his shopping is being delivered today and he feels he can't cope with opening the door.
He proceeded to send one text after another asking for, then demanding help. I explained I was in bed and suggested a couple of things he could do.....he just wouldn't listen. His demanding texts became more frantic in nature, and were coming every couple of minutes.....when we didn't respond he then took to trying to phone and then video call us. I didn't answer, and put him on mute, as he'd ended up being highly abusive and trying emotional blackmail by threatening to take an overdose (he wouldn't do that, he's basically too scared). I eventually switched my phone off completely as, although I'd muted him, I could see that he was continuing to bombard us with messages and attempted phone calls. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night through worrying. As is his usual pattern, this morning he's sent several texts apologising profusely.
This is becoming ever more regular now and it wears me out, emotionally and physically, not a week goes by without one of his dramas. I'm not a trained social worker and I live 160 miles away from him, it's not like I can go round there at the drop of a hat. He refuses to accept any professional help, doesn't go out anywhere (he suffers with agoraphobia, amongst many other things) and doesn't work or have any friends, so it's difficult to know what to do to help. But it is becoming more and more of a problem and I can't see it ending well.
We had a similar problem with a close relative, it started to take us over. In the end, we cut ourselves off which other family members didn’t like or understand. They did harm themselves in the end but we didn’t feel guilty. Sometimes your own self preservation has to kick in.
ReplyDeleteI agree with DC, sometimes enough is enough and you have to think about self preservation.
ReplyDeleteYour first duty is to yourself Sooze, if you are not well you can't cope with other things, I've just realised this myself. You and your hubby are the most important things in your life and others should come after that.
ReplyDeleteYou know that if you were fit and healthy that you would do your best for him but as he has social workers who are aware I would let other take the strain.
I do know what you mean as when my kids come up with all their problems its a similar situation but I've learnt to listen and then let them sort themselves out.
As for the hip, I find I am unable to walk or stand for any length of time now and the pain is sometime excruciating, so I know how you feel.
Hugs
Briony
x
My brother gets periods of time when he does the same thing. He is now taking his meds with great results, but there was a time he would phone continuously every day and if we did not answer would keep right on phoning and leaving message after message. It is because of this I will not give him my cell phone number...He has the landline number, and I phone him once a week on a Saturday to talk.
ReplyDeleteI hope your hip stops paining you very soon.
God bless.
Oh, Sooze, I feel for you. It's not easy to put yourself first, but your health and well-being matters, too. It's very difficult to explain to someone with mental health issues, that you are unable to help them in the way they want. I hope your relative does eventually accept the help that is offered by his Social Workers. In the meantime, look after yourself and try not to feel guilty for doing so! Hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteSounds like he was under the influence of alcohol as he apologised this morning . You did the best thing, turned off the phone.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are putting your own well be8ing first. You are right, there's no way you can help with the kind of help he so obviously desperately needs and as long as he refused proper professional help, there is absolutely nothing you can do.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
J x