Thank you for the support, it means a lot.
I've now muted him again....having initially sent very apologetic texts, he's now back to abusing me again, after I sent him a short plain speaking text saying if he continues to make ridiculous demands and hurl abuse at us when we don't respond how he wants, then he'll find himself alone, as that behaviour isn't the way to seek help. He didn't like that one bit and responded by calling me all sorts of names and being generally abusive. I don't care what he thinks of me, his opinion matters not a jot to me, but I'm not sitting back and letting him abuse me. Incidentally, he wasn't under the influence of alcohol, as far as I'm aware he rarely, if ever, drinks. He's carried on like this for years - outrageous, downright stupid and abusive behaviour, followed the next day by grovelling apologies. And then a few days later the cycle begins again.
I took care of him and Mum (as you've probably gathered by now, it's my youngest brother I'm talking about) for years and years - since I was little more than a child myself (I'm the eldest child of 4) - as Mum found it terribly difficult to cope with him and his problems on her own after our father left. I nearly lost my job because of it years ago, I received a final written warning for taking time off to go and help them out, when I kept receiving panic stricken phone calls from them when I was at work. I've helped them in the past to the detriment of my patient, kind, long-suffering husband, who always did what I asked without complaint, bless him. To be honest, it was one of the reasons we moved down here to Somerset, as our patience was stretched to the limit.
The only thing that is preventing me from cutting all ties with him is the knowledge that if I do, my sister (who lives very close to him) and elder brother will suffer the brunt of the problems he creates. And I can't do that to them. Husband, having seen the texts brother sent me this morning, is of the opinion that I should cut him off, but says he'll support me whatever I do and understands why I'm reluctant.
Changing the subject completely....I've noticed that for the past few days, several of my readers' profile pics have disappeared, leaving blank spaces - if I hover over the pics the names are still there, just no pic. A Blogger glitch, or just me?
It's so difficult dealing with family problems. Those old heart strings do pull! I sincerely hope your brother gets the help he needs, and soon, both for his sake and yours. Have you tried writing a letter to him, explaining why you think he ought to accept the help offered? It might be easier for both of you, less confrontational. Just trying to help, I know you know your brother and what he will/won't accept. Can't offer any explanation of the Blogger problem. Me and tech - not best mates! xx
ReplyDeleteI am a senior citizen and have finally accepted that I can not change other people, nor can I help them when they refuse help or good advice. That is sad that your brother is causing you grief. Be well Sooze.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like my family.
ReplyDeleteMy brother is two years younger than me and has always been my mother's baby. He moved home when our Father died and 20 years later is still in residence. When she moved, my Mother even bought the new house to his specifications.
He is a mess. Has a trade but doesn't work for any business because he always knew best. Had a major accident a couple of yers back and has been on disability pay and complains about how little he gets. He lives with our Mum and she doesnt expect much from him.
I unfriended him on FB because I couldn't be bothered by his self pity and same old, same old posts.
I fear when our Mother dies, he's going to become my problem and I don't want him. His own son wants nothing to do with him.
I don't feel guilty. He made the mess his life is. His choices and his decisions.
Hmmm, my problem brother is the youngest in the family as well. Like you I am the oldest and have been more or less the "mother" figure to him since our Mother passed.
ReplyDeleteI hope that things get better shortly for you. I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless.
A blogger glitch - mine is the same.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you took that line, Sooze. Sometime one has to be 'cruel' to be kind as the saying goes. Not that I think your are being cruel, in fact the opposite, your patience is awesome.
xx
He sounds like my ex husband... and it got worse when I eventually left him.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice that would help but I can send a hug and keep you in my prayers in the hope that will be a comfort. My followers pictures have disappeared too.
ReplyDeleteFamily dynamics…prayers
ReplyDeleteThere is no easy answer to people with mental health problems. Sounds as if you have done all you can for many years. You will have to think about your own sanity. If his behaviour towards you continues, perhaps block his number. It's very sad so it's going to be a difficult choice what ever you do.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you have to just do what is best for your own mental health, although it is really difficult isn't it.
ReplyDeleteYes, Blogger seems to have a few ongoing glitches at the moment.