My mood has plummeted again. No particular reason, nothing's happened to set it off, it just is what it is. Sometimes I can have a fairly good day, or maybe just a few hours.....other times the black mood descends and I can't shake it off. I'm finding that some people just don't understand this. They seem to think that I can choose what sort of mood to be in and how to cope with anything/everything, maybe that I'm even snappy and/or tearful on purpose. Why? Why would I (or anyone) be like that purposely? It simply doesn't make sense to choose to be miserable or snappy or distracted, or even unreasonable or irrational. I do know I am sometimes unreasonable, irrational or moody - it's a symptom of the depression, it's not a deliberate act!
The best way I can cope with this (and this is what works for me, it won't work for everyone) is to kind of insulate myself and almost go into my own little world. Others don't walk in my shoes (nor me in theirs), so they can't judge me or think they know best or I should be doing this or not doing that. I'm just doing things that I can cope with, and at my own pace. My concentration wanders sometimes, so I don't necessarily get everything done at once, but that's ok. I am just taking life one day at a time.
So today I've done a freezer inventory, and wrote a list of possible dinners for the next month or so - no set days (i.e. no 'Spag bol Monday, Fish Pie Tuesday and so on), just a list of meals.....who knows what I'll feel like eating or even whether I feel like cooking on a particular day? At least I now know I have the makings of and a list of possible meals for the next few weeks.
And having done that, husband is going to drive into town and collect KFC for our dinner today - his choice, and I'm not arguing, I don't have to cook!
We all get days when we're out of sorts with the world, and depression only makes those days worse. You have a strategy that works for you, so just ignore those who think you should just "snap out of it". You know better than anyone what you need. You sound like you've got the meal plans sorted, which will make life easier on the off days. A take away meal sounds ideal. No cooking and if you're being really slobbish, no washing up! Take care, Sooze. I hope the black mood soon lifts. Sending hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteDepression is horrible Sooze and I totally understand what you are saying. I'm sending you a gentle hug and hoping the black dog clears off asap.
ReplyDeleteYou described my daughter to a T. As part of her support system, I've had though push her to do those things that best help her cope rather than force interactions that end up being volatile. It's hard to excuse her treating people badly or ruining some holidays, evenings out, or vacations when she should have removed herself to better cope. It's tricky though. Yes depression is an illness that she didn't choose. But, treating others like crap needs to be called out and owned, but then that has triggered spiraling.
ReplyDeleteTotally totally understand…prayers
ReplyDeleteYou found a way of coping that works for you so good on you! Hope the dark fog is gentle and will lift again soon.
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