Following on from my earlier post.....I'm just finding life and everything to be really hard at the moment. And before anyone says it, I do know that there are thousands far far worse off than me. A few minutes ago, husband asked 2 questions, 2 perfectly innocent normal questions - "When do you want to go shopping?" and "What's for lunch today?". And I couldn't think of an answer to either question......all I could think was oh shit not again, I just can't be bothered to even think. Everything, and I do mean everything, is such a huge bloody effort at the moment.
This is in no way an excuse, it's just background info by way of a bit of an explanation - I've not had a particularly good early life, especially in my late childhood/teens - sexual abuse, family break up, serious mental health problems to contend with (not mine), witnessing violence by close family members, poverty, self harming. Some of these things have carried on throughout my life, even to the present day.
I've had periods of clinical depression, for which I had medication, and I recognise that I'm teetering on the edge of it again. I don't want to go down the route of antidepressants again, they do help but have horrendous side effects and it takes so bloody long to come off them when you're well again. Nor am I keen on counselling - I had several weeks of it in the past and didn't find it particularly helpful.
I guess I'm just saying I feel like shit at the moment, no doubt it will pass, but apologies for the constant moany rubbish I've been posting lately.