Following on from my earlier post.....I'm just finding life and everything to be really hard at the moment. And before anyone says it, I do know that there are thousands far far worse off than me. A few minutes ago, husband asked 2 questions, 2 perfectly innocent normal questions - "When do you want to go shopping?" and "What's for lunch today?". And I couldn't think of an answer to either question......all I could think was oh shit not again, I just can't be bothered to even think. Everything, and I do mean everything, is such a huge bloody effort at the moment.
This is in no way an excuse, it's just background info by way of a bit of an explanation - I've not had a particularly good early life, especially in my late childhood/teens - sexual abuse, family break up, serious mental health problems to contend with (not mine), witnessing violence by close family members, poverty, self harming. Some of these things have carried on throughout my life, even to the present day.
I've had periods of clinical depression, for which I had medication, and I recognise that I'm teetering on the edge of it again. I don't want to go down the route of antidepressants again, they do help but have horrendous side effects and it takes so bloody long to come off them when you're well again. Nor am I keen on counselling - I had several weeks of it in the past and didn't find it particularly helpful.
I guess I'm just saying I feel like shit at the moment, no doubt it will pass, but apologies for the constant moany rubbish I've been posting lately.
Go to your summer home…stay longer…that seems to help…prayers…ReplyDelete
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling rubbish, I have no advice to give as it’s not my place but all I will say is that I hope it passes soon and you start to feel better. You have your lovely caravan to look forward to and lots of trips there to help lift your spirits. XReplyDelete
Just caught up with the last 2 posts. I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I wish I knew something to help. All I can offer is, be kind to yourself. Take things easy, do what you want to do, and try to ignore the rest. Pester the GP for a diagnosis for your knee problems (if and when you feel up to it). I hope the bad feelings soon pass. Sending a BIG hug your way.🫂 xxReplyDelete
Oh Sooze bless you. Keep on saying to yourself out loud... This will pass'... And it really will, you'll wake up one morning and feel so much better.ReplyDelete
Oh dear, not nice for you.. and feeling rubbish is a symptom of pain. I know I've been there. I used to live near a rail line and I used to go to the bottom of the garden and scream when it went past. Did it do me any good?? I don't know, but I liked doing it. Hope you feel a bit better soon. I'm not in the brightest place myself either and no longer live by a rail line, so I'm just plodding along.ReplyDelete
No one should minimize your feelings and experiences. Mental health is as vital as physical health, and you've had both, plus heaps of life unfortunates. I hope you can get help, even with no meds.My daughter didn't do well with the side effects, so understand what you mean. You deserve to feel well, and while I m no help, I'm sending hope and well wishes.ReplyDelete
I recommend that use your blog to air things that are bothering you and have a good moan. I often find that hearing (or seeing) what you are saying often helps put things inn balance. It doesn't seem as bad when you hear it.This is your blog to say what you want and you have readers who care. If they put up bad comments ignore them those people havea bigger problem. Take care.SuReplyDelete
Sorry they did not say what was wrong with your knee, I had problems with my knee about a year ago and had a X-ray they could not see anything with it, and said try a ice pack on it for about 20mins every few hours, it has helped a little. Also make sure you drink plenty of liquids.ReplyDelete
When things were very bad for us some years ago and I was having to cope with everything while keeping a calm face on I used to go into the toilet kneel down at the pan and say every swear word I could think of. I then flushed and watched the water take some of the stress away. Not a recognised therapy I know but it worked for me .With your knee you might need a chair.ReplyDelete
Hugs. Please moan away here. No one knows what road the other is walking down and has no right to comment or judge. Hugs.ReplyDelete
Oh, you poor darling. Your blog = your rules = write whatever you want that makes you feel better.ReplyDelete
Have you ever read anything about C-PTSD? We all know about the PTSD experienced by military personnel, frontline workers, etc.
A similar condition has been described - Complex PTSD - which is the result of longterm, cumulative abuse/suffering. Learning about this might not be a miracle cure, but sometimes understanding how we are affected now by things which happened in the past can be very helpful. xxx
I know I can't help but if you think of anything I can help with, just should. You have my email. Sending love. xxReplyDelete
I don't think you appreciate just how much people enjoy reading your blog, no matter what is in it. I love it - it is real life for many of us. And things that occur in early life DO affect us for ever. I am 61, still have eating issues, issues with accepting compliments, issues with being centre of attention (hate birthdays and Mothers' Day) and my empathy for others goes way beyond what it should but can't help it. As you say, it will pass. The better weather is coming and life should be returning to some sort of normal. Keep off-loading here.ReplyDelete
Sending healing thoughts and wishes your way, I hope you feel better soon.ReplyDelete
Thinking of you and wishing the black fog will soon pass!ReplyDelete
It sounds like you NEED to be at the van, with the worries of home behind you and just books, crochet and easy meals to keep you company.ReplyDelete
Maybe hubby could drop you off there to have a few days on your own, or you both go one weekend and he leaves you there and re-joins you the following one. Then all you have to think of is sleeping and keeping yourself fed, with television and neighbours for company if you need them.
Sometimes life is shitty and we are allowed to moan about it. I hope you can get to the caravan for a few days to recharge.ReplyDelete